Sleeping with Your Partner: How to Share a Bed and Still Get Great Sleep
It’s probably not shocking to hear that, as a sleep therapist, I spend a lot of time discussing sharing a bed with a partner. Sleeping next to your partner can be one of the most comforting parts of a relationship. There’s something so reassuring about falling asleep next to someone you love. But let’s be real—it’s not always easy. From snoring and blanket wars to conflicting sleep schedules, sleeping together can sometimes turn into a source of conflict rather than intimacy. In this blog, I’ll share the most common challenges that I come across and share practical tips to help you both rest better while keeping prioritizing a strong connection.
The Benefits of Sleeping Together
Sharing a bed with your partner isn’t just about proximity—it can actually have meaningful benefits for your relationship and well-being:
Emotional Bonding: Physical closeness releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps you feel connected and reduces stress.
Stress Relief: Holding hands, cuddling, or even just being near your partner can lower cortisol levels and promote relaxation.
Sense of Security: Sleeping next to someone you trust can enhance feelings of safety and improve overall mental health.
Of course, these benefits are easier to enjoy when both partners are sleeping comfortably.
Common Bed-Sharing Challenges
Despite the advantages, sleeping with a partner can come with its fair share of frustrations. Here are some common issues couples face:
Snoring: A partner’s snoring can make restful sleep feel impossible, leaving the other tossing and turning in frustration.
Temperature Differences: One of you might love to cocoon under layers of blankets, while the other prefers sleeping cool.
Tossing and Turning: Restless sleepers can unintentionally wake their partners with frequent movements.
Different Sleep Schedules: Mismatched bedtimes or wake-up times can lead to disrupted sleep.
Blanket Hogging: Fighting over covers might be a running joke, but it can also cause real tension during the night.
Tips for Sharing a Bed Comfortably
If any of these challenges sound familiar, don’t worry—there are plenty of ways to make sleeping together more harmonious:
Address Snoring
If one partner is snoring loud enough to disrupt the other, it might be time for a doctor’s visit. Loud snoring (among other symptoms) can be a red flag for obstructive sleep apnea, a disorder that absolutely needs treatment. In the meantime, encouraging them to sleep on their side, using ear plugs, or trying white noise machine can help. But the doctor’s trip is non-negotiable here.
Separate blankets!
Use separate blankets if one partner tends to hog the covers or if you have different temperature preferences.
If possible, choose a mattress that minimizes motion transfer so one partner’s movements don’t wake the other.
Find a Sleep Schedule That Works
Everyone has their own unique sleep needs. Have an open conversation about your sleep needs and what works best for you. If you prefer to go to bed together, make sure to coordinate bedtime routines as much as possible to minimize disruptions. If you prefer to have different schedules, that’s totally ok! Just make sure to give the first partner enough time to fully fall asleep (at least 30 minutes) before the second one comes in.
If one partner works late or wakes up early, consider blackout curtains and earplugs to support the sleeping partner.
Create a Relaxing Sleep Environment
Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet to promote better sleep for both of you.
Declutter the space to make it feel peaceful and inviting.
Communicate openly
Talk openly about what’s bothering you and approach the conversation with kindness and problem-solving in mind.
Avoid blame and focus on solutions that work for both partners.
When Sleeping Apart Might Be the Best Option
Sometimes, the best way to preserve both your sleep and your relationship is to sleep apart. This is often referred to as a “sleep divorce,” and while the term may sound extreme, it’s simply a practical solution for couples with different sleep needs. Sleeping in separate beds or rooms doesn’t mean your relationship is struggling—it’s about making sure you’re both getting the rest you need to show up for each other during the day.
The Science of Sharing a Bed
Research shows that while sharing a bed can strengthen emotional intimacy, it may also reduce sleep efficiency due to movement and disruptions. The key is to strike a balance between staying connected and ensuring both partners get quality sleep. By addressing the common challenges above, you can enjoy the benefits of sleeping together without sacrificing rest.
Conclusion
Sleeping with your partner doesn’t have to mean choosing between intimacy and rest. With a little communication and a few adjustments, you can create a sleep setup that works for both of you. Whether it’s investing in better bedding, syncing your schedules, or even sleeping apart when necessary, the goal is to prioritize healthy sleep so you can wake up feeling refreshed and connected.
If you’re ready to take steps toward better sleep for you and your partner, check out our resources and follow us on social media for weekly tips. Click Here if you would like to discuss more personalized options to get you and your partner back into a restful rhythm this Valentine’s Day. Sweet dreams!
